An honest rant about my life and the game

I hate everything at this point. I am in my summer holidays and yet my whole mind is just some !@#$ roleplay that's !@#$ my whole day and my studies. 

I am an Indian and a tenth grade highschool student if you guys don't know already and my nation is seriously !@#$ if it comes to speaking of education or getting a !@#$ job. A nation where every 8 out of 100 people don't get their jobs is !@#$ terrible to live at without proper grades, and if I need to explain, grade 10 is !@#$ hell for students, because the grade 10 marks matter most for your job or a good college, especially the ones ranked in the top with low seats. 

I have come to a !@#$ point where I can't concentrate on my studies, a point of absolute !@#$ in terms of studies and my whole family expects me to do well in life. I don't have any idea how the !@#$ will I do well, because I am !@#$ confused and scared of the future, knowing that if I don't do well, I and my parents will be in serious uncertainty. I wish to pursue with architecture and city planning, which interest me a lot due to my interest in city layout, for which I would need to study math. And my math, that's as !@#$ good as the state of the whole community is. 

I have failed to do anything meaningful for this community. I tried to make a United Nations server from which I got banned because a whole !@#$ drama. I tried again to have a calm discussion where we could try and make the community better, but no. We are more interested in petty fights and doing the absolute !@#$ we can. I have !@#$ lost my faith on everything. I know everyone will hate me for my cursing and shouting after this but this is a year of frustration that I am taking out, realising that I witnessed and failed to do anything meaningful to solve issues of this community. 

This community has come to be so destructive and hateful of each other, that we can go to break trust of each other in order to !@#$ make some personal gains. Piotr was such a good friend of mine, but he decided to lie to me, deceive me with screenshots and try to play it off as a necessity, and thinks I am just mad on him for him calling me the !@#$ nword. I don't care if he calls me a !@#$ and a !@#$, but what hurt me above everything is the fact that he decided to break trust of mine on him, simply because I wasn't willing to fight GW. This is a relatively old story, but I still can't cope up with the fact that we have come to such standards, and we are leaving morality and ethics for a !@#$ game. 

Simply put, I have !@#$ failed to produce anything meaningful for this community and I hate my life. I put an average of 7-8 hours, just so that I can try to make friends, and have fun in this community. But no, what I have mostly seen is mfs doing absolute bullshit in roleplay. I have seen people do roleplay wars, I have seen people nuke and destroy nations for some roleplay disagreements, I have been cursed and shunned simply because I was shouting and I have seen this community just bluff and not try to achieve any meaningful conclusion. I fail to achieve anything meaningful and I will isolate myself for sometime, because I hate everything that is up to me. I suck at my studies, I suck to produce anything !@#$ meaningful to this game, I suck at interacting with people and I suck at roleplay. 

Note to moderation team: free feel to award moderation points to me. I am sorry.