Nation Bulletin

New study by Northumbria government shows drinking Dihydrogen Monoxide extends lifespan

Study also links breathing oxygen with staying alive.

By Secretary of State for Health
05/19/2022 12:25 am
Updated: 05/19/2022 12:25 am

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A new study by the National Health Service of Northumbria has linked oral consumption of Dihydrogen Monoxide to a long and healthy life.

 

The relatively unknown chemical is apparently essential for hydration according to Scientists.

The study was immediately questioned by the Daily Mail and Telegraph Newspapers. Mail columnist Katie Jenkins wrote "This is simply another scare story by government to control the people. It's clear that an intake of Ethanol and Diet Soda is perfectly healthy, and there is no need for this "water" chemical to live. What will they instruct us to do next?"

Replies

Posted May 19, 2022 at 3:11 pm

How is this not higher? :(

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Posted May 20, 2022 at 1:21 am

Masterpiece of journalism

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