Glatixland government declares war on poverty, bombs several 3rd world countries

The War on Poverty

In a stunning display of altruism, the Chancellor of Glatixland delivered a speech condemning global poverty, and vowing swift action to eliminate wealth-based suffering around the globe:

“We are a nation that is wealthy enough to take care of its own, but we have failed to be good neighbors to those -outside- of our own borders. Is it not without our capability to extend an open palm to those in need? To alleviate the terrible socio-economic effects of prolonged nuclear wars? Can we truly call ourselves a modern nation if we fail to recognize the suffering of others? No, it is our prerogative to fix the issues of mass-poverty, and so we have to declare war on all poor people. See, if we simply use bombers to flatten economically destitute areas, there won't be any poverty anymore. All that will remain will be middle and upper-class residences, thus raising the average income significantly!

Of course, we understand that some nations, particularly those who are targeted, will have concerns about our economic aid strategy. We'd like to assure those nations that we intend to use shrapnel bombs rather than incendiary bombs. The environment is an important factor in all of our decisions, and we understand that firebombs tend to release disproportionate amounts of carbon into the atmosphere. Although our economic aid plan will take far longer with conventional munitions, that's a sacrifice we have to make for the sake of a cleaner Orbis."

Facing ferocious force, Follonica finally falls

The city of Follonica has long been the target of Glatixian diplomats. The denizens within remained remarkably stubborn despite weeks of continued communiques followed by artillery bombardment. Weeks after the city center was taken, pockets of resistance lingered. Glatixian forces eventually discovered rebel use of sewer infrastructure, resulting in the hosting of a city-wide taco-bell party which resulted in a septic flood.

“That'll flush 'em out,” remarked one Glatixian soldier without a hint of irony.

With most holdouts gone, negotiations have concluded and Follonica has been liberated into Glatixland's sovereign territory!