SPEAKER CAPSLOCKIUS BANS PISTOLS: "THEY ARE SHAPED LIKE LOWERCASE R'S" (5/12/21)

GUNS SHAPED LIKE THE ONE ABOVE WERE MADE ILLEGAL

THE GLORIOUS LOUD NATION OF CAPSLOCKIA HAS BANNED PISTOLS DUE TO THEIR SHAPE BEING SIMILAR TO LOWERCASE R'S. 

RIFLES, SHOTGUNS, AND PISTOLS WITH CARTRIDGES THAT ARE NOT ON THE GRIP REMAIN LEGAL. SEVERAL RIFLES SHAPED LIKE LOWERCASE K ARE ALSO NOW ILLEGAL, UNLESS THEY HAVE A MAGAZINE CAPACITY THAT MAKES THEM SHAPED LIKE AN UPPERCASE-K.

SPEAKER CAPSLOCKIUS INFORMED THE NATION IN A NATIONALLY TELEVISED ALL-CAPS-SUBTITLED YELLING SESSION: 

THESE SYMBOLS POSE A THREAT TO OUR SOCIETY, WHICH IS FILLED WITH LOVE, ALL-CAPS, AND PROSPERITY. IN THIS TIME OF WAR AND LOWERCASE INSURRECTION, THE PUBLIC'S SAFETY IS PARAMOUNT. OUR MILITARY AND OUR ARMED CAPSLOCK-USING CIVILIANS MUST BE ARMED ONLY WITH WEAPONRY THAT DOES NOT COMMUNICATE MALICIOUS INTENT TOWARDS OUR CULTURE OF LOVE, ALL-CAPS, AND PROSPERITY.

THE SENATE, SUPREME COURT, AND PRESS ALL PRAISED THIS NEW LEGISLATION THAT ENSURES THE SAFETY OF ALL CAPSLOCKIANS. ONE SENATOR, LOWE R. CASEMAN, EXPRESSED A NEUTRAL OPINION ON THE MATTER. AS A RESULT, COMPASSION-AND-SECURITY PERSONNEL WERE DISPATCHED TO TAKE CASEMAN TO A RE-EDUCATION AND COMPASSION CAMP WHERE HE WILL LEARN MORE ABOUT CAPSLOCK CULTURAL VALUES OF LOVE, ALL-CAPS, AND PROSPERITY.