Famous Dictator Sentenced to Death by Western Republic Goons

Famous Dictator Sentenced to Death by Western Republic Goons

Wednesday, 30 July 2098

Recently, High Lord RoManic of Vulcanities decided to merge his alliance, The Aequitas International, into the Western Republic. It seems like many member states of TAI were fine with the decision, condemned as greatly undemocratic and selfish by certain members of the Sulaguan Supreme Council when they learned of the news. However, the government and citizens of the Republic of Luna became especially pissed off for several days.

So much so was the uproar in Luna that a Lunarian singer-songwriter, whose stage name is The Dictator of Hessian Dialects, publicly threatened on 18 July to usurp the dictatorship of WR and establish her own regime. This resulted in vigilante militants from the LOL Faction, Fujishima, and the Phoenix Corporation extremely loyal to the WR government kidnapping her the next day and imprisoning her in an undisclosed location somewhere in the Australian Outback. Recently, they released on numerous social media platforms their threats to execute the beloved celebrity on 31 July (tomorrow as of the time of writing) for "treason" and "being a dumbass".

This news resulted in uproar in Territory 15, especially in Cebu. Cebu was the capital of the former Ferronesian Commonwealth, which held especially cordial relations with Luna as members of TAI. Civilians began looting and committing arson on businesses and vandalizing public buildings and parks, crying out "F### ROMANIC AND THOSE WR BASTARDS!" Local police as well as a regiment of the Conciliar Raiders, including their armored trucks, were deployed to quell the unrest, resulting in 2 dead and 7 injured among the police and Raiders, and 8 dead and 33 injured civilians.

The Supreme Council convened last Wednesday, 23 July to consider the sentiments of the rioters, and for the first time since people who kick puppies off a cliff were accepted as members of society, the Council of Diplomacy has decided to intervene in an event not directly affecting the Sulaguan realm.

"These terrorists' proposal to execute a cultural figure adored by the Republic of Luna is simply and horrifically el-bozoed," said Head Diplomat Peter Carey. "We might as well teach them a lesson by blowing up their homes and local clinics with hundreds of tons of explosives if they lay even a single molecule on the Dictator of Hessian Dialects or any of her friends or family. If they go back in time to prevent her from being born, we'll go back in time as well and blow up their fat mothers' and nonexistent fathers' houses, as well as their nearest clinics."

Carey also suggested attempting to buy 60 thousand tons of dynamite from Vulcanities in order to prove that RoManic is an ignorant, bloodthirsty bastard and a traitor to democracy. Some Councillors responded by questioning how the f### Sulagua is supposed to bring down a traitor to democracy by paying him, and that Carey is a mentally insane conspiracy theorist.

Whether the WR goons will successfully execute the Dictator without facing the consequences threatened by Peter Carey shall be revealed tomorrow.

(OOC)

Satire, don't take seriously. I can provide context in the replies if necessary.