Good evening, or morning, or night, or noon, or spacetime if you're living on colourful threads of magnetosphere disturbances!

Today I will be teaching you how to eat a Hamburger.

The first thing that you need is guava. Guava is a very important thing to get when you are attempting to do such things. The best way to get a guava is to go to your local supermarket and run to the fruits aisle. In the event that there are no guavas, tough luck! Maybe it is out of stock, maybe some passionate Hamburger eater already took them, or maybe they were never there in the first place. In any case, stare at any fruit and loudly shout that you need a guava and threaten to eat all the fruits. Even if they are guavas, they might be guаѵаs (there might be Cyrillic letters in there!). If the workers do not either point out the guavas or find and give you guavas within 48 hours, eat all the fruits. If theft is illegal in your area, pay for the fruits and give the workers a generous tip for their trouble. If they do give you guavas, tip them the equivalent of ten dollars in the lowest denomination possible in your local currency instead.

If you obtained a guava, eat it. It is firm, it is sweet, it tastes good. This makes you happy. Happiness is very important for getting a Hamburger. In you did not obtain the guava, then you would have eaten an entire aisle of fruits, which will also make you happy. The next thing to do is to happily find Hamburgers.

In Hamburg, Germany, inhabitants are known as Hamburgers, so that is obviously where you need to search. Book a flight to Germany. Go to Hamburg. See all those people on the street? You can ask them where is the nearest fast food restaurant, and there are a few in Hamburg. Go to the fast food restaurant and order a hamburger. Put it in your mouth. Eat it.

And that is how you eat a hamburger. I have been constrained by character count, but this should give you a rough idea on what you need to do in order to eat a hamburger. Thank you for reading.