Glatixland and Sardinia peacefully unify, citizens rejoice!

The first liberation of Sardinia!

Many of our avid readers are aware of Glatixland's long-standing claim to the isle of Sardinia. The joint history of Glatixland and Sardinia began last year, when Chancellor Glatix di Glatix decided to focus on the island's annexation. 

Disclaimer: Rumors that the Chancellor was high on an entire brick of !@#$ and used a dart board with a map on it to decide who to invade prior to making this decision are entirely untrue. The initiative was carefully considered at multiple levels of the Glatixian government, and any assertion that the Chancellor "wanted the long island because it's bigger than the one we have now" is patently absurd.

At the Chancellor's command, Glatixlandwehr forces moved to secure key areas across the island, peacefully integrating infrastructure into the Glatixian state. During this period, Glatixian soldiers were strictly forbidden from using lethal force against civilians. Instead, resistance was met with warning shots into their skulls and torsos. While some claim that "shooting someone in the head kills them", Glatixland maintains that 100% of Sardinian deaths following the peaceful invasion were from suicides or grizzly bear attacks.

Glatixian experts widely agree that the operation of was a total success, with the official death toll numbering 0, and only 1.26 million Sardinians going missing over the course of the occupation. The tactic of air-striking population centers suddenly and entirely without warning also encouraged the island's population to avoid large cities, mitigating the damage further.

Unfortunately, Glatixland's extremely benevolent offer of violent subjugation went unappreciated by terrorists among the population. Numerous attacks on Glatixian military personnel were undertaken by an extremist group known as the "Sardinian Army". The group claimed to represent the island's standing defensive force.

General Klaus Von Murderdorf, who led the peacefully violent attack, debunks their claims:

"They claimed that they were a military force acting in 'self defense', which is of course ridiculous. Since when does self-defense involve shooting back at people actively trying to kill you? That sounds like an act of terror intended to scare us away and oppress our freedom to Sardinia. It's practically something that you'd read in 1984. You know, if reading was allowed in Glatixland."

Tragically, the occupation would end after it was realized that the equipment, training, and ordnance required for the initial strikes had landed Glatixland in crippling debt equating to about 300% of its GDP. As a result, the Glatixlandwehr was pulled back, likely causing crippling depression among the surviving Sardinian population.

Renewed hope for Sardinia

With Glatixland now much more economically developed, a second peacefully inquiry into Sardinia's integration began in earnest. Glatixian diplomats engaged in a massive beach landing following an aerial peacekeeping campaign against various Sardinian cities. Rumors of any violence resulting from these lands are categorically denied by the state, and Glatixland State News is proud to report that our brave men and women were welcomed by screaming crowds.

Seen left: A crowd of overjoyed Sardinians runs at full sprint from the inner city to greet Glatixian liberation forces. Many members of the crowd could be heard saying things such as "make it stop" and "god help us" in reference to the severe loneliness they must have been enduring prior to the integration.

Flights and boats out of Sardinia have temporarily been halted, as the excited new Glatixian citizens have been declared as too eager to leave the country and express their overwhelming happiness to others. Likewise, social media and other forms of communication are being actively monitored to prevent the spread of dangerous misinformation.

Seen right: One squad of Glatixian peacekeepers (center) attempt to use helping sticks to aid a fallen citizen in standing after he tripped on his shoelaces. Meanwhile, another squad (left) consoles his nearby wife, who had fallen into hysteria upon seeing him trip.

Suffice to say, Glatixian peacekeepers have been deployed across the island to maintain stability during and after the transition. A curfew is currently in place, and citizens are encouraged to avoid direct eye-contact with peace officers during this period of brief and entirely illegal instability. Finally, new Glatixians are asked not to refer to themselves as Sardinians, fly a Sardinian flag, or otherwise acknowledge the island or it's history outside of a Glatixian context.

A job well-done

With the resounding and undeniable success of the integration, many in Glatixland are curious about the next great act of peaceful diplomacy. While any future plans remain shrouded, the state -has- announced its intention to grow Glatixland's economy via investment in foreign goods.

John McBastard II, the director of the Glatixian Ministry for Economic Planning, had this to say:

"Many of Sardinia's cities were mysteriously reduced to burnt-out husks or bullet-ridden rubble during the negotiations. We suspect that all this damage was caused by a series of tragic gas-leaks and that there's really no point in investigating any further."