WAR!
THE PATHETIC NATION OF THE OLD OTTOMAN EMPIRE SUDDENLY AND DELIBERATELY ATTACKED CAPSLOCKIA. CAPSLOCKIAN MILITARY, IN THIS TIME OF STRUGGLE, HAVE SENT SUICIDAL WAVES AND WAVES OF MEN TOWARDS ENEMY TROOPS. SO FAR, THESE MILITARY STRATEGIES HAVE BEEN INCREDIBLY SUCCESSFUL IN THE SUICIDAL ASPECT. GENERAL RAGEQUITTER LOUDLY BROADCASTED TO THE TROOPS:
WE ARE IN TOUGH TIMES. OUR MILITARY STRENGTH IS LOW, OUR SUPPLIES ARE LOW, OUR MONETARY RESERVES ARE LOW, BUT THE NUMBER OF ABLE BODIED SOLDIERS IS STILL HIGH! CAPSLOCKIAN COMRADES, I BESEECH YOU, MAKE A SUICIDAL CHARGE TOWARDS THE ENEMY FORCES!
WE WOULD RATHER BE LOW IN THE NUMBER OF TROOPS ALSO THAN BE LOWERCASE!
STEEL SHORTAGES CAUSING UNREST
SHORTAGES HAVE CAUSED MANY PROBLEMS THAT CAPSLOCKIANS ARE LOUDLY RAGING ABOUT. ONE MAJOR ISSUE IN PARTICULAR HAS BEEN THE SHORTAGE OF STEEL TYPEWRITERS.
TRADITIONAL TYPEWRITER CAPSLOCKIANS PRACTICING THEIR RIGHT TO ALL-CAPS SPEAK FREELY IN FAVOR OF CAPSLOCKIAN POLICIES HAVE HAD TO ENDURE LONG LINES IN TYPEWRITER STORES.
CAPSLOCKIAN SECURITY-AND-LOVE OFFICERS HAVE BEEN DISPATCHED TO SUSPECTED TYPEWRITER HOARDERS' HOMES TO PHYSICALLY COMMUNICATE THE GOVERNMENT'S DISPLEASURE. SO FAR, 257 SUSPECTS HAVE HAD VISITS AND MOSTLY PEACEFUL INSTANCES OF COMMUNICATION WITH SECURITY-AND-LOVE OFFICERS, 3 TYPEWRITERS WERE FOUND. GOVERNOR OF WEST AAAAAAAA DECLARED THIS OPERATION A MAJOR SUCCESS.
UNDESIRABLE BUT SOMEWHAT ACCEPTABLE PLASTIC TYPEWRITERS ARE BEING PRODUCED TO DEAL WITH THE FLUCTUATING ECONOMIC SUPPLIES.
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