Nation Bulletin

Pro-democracy protest results in three-way brawl between enforcement agencies!

What was intended to be a regular day of violent political repression became a fight over jurisdiction between three different agencies.

By Glatixland State News
02/25/2022 04:31 pm
Updated: 02/25/2022 04:31 pm

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Too many agencies?

It was a normal day in Glatixland. Birds were singing, children were playing, and a 5,000 person protest meant to advocate for freedom of speech and elected government was being violently dispersed by Jojopolis peacekeepers. Unlike most instances of government crackdowns being used to brutally end egalitarian political movements, however, this particular demonstration soon ran into a serious issue. Right in the middle of when peacekeepers were using steel truncheons on the protesters, a second group of agents arrived from the Department of National Security.

Normally, the government leaves the maiming of dissidents to local peacekeeper forces, but this particular protest was believed to be part of a larger pro-democracy movement that had taken hold in two other cities. As such, the state DNS agents to ruthlessly hunt down dissident leaders and bring them in for the standard 5 day long torture sessions that typically precede questioning and trials. The DNS agents immediately got into an argument with peacekeepers on the matter the jurisdiction. Unfortunately, Glatixian law doesn't actually have a clear-cut answer to the question of -who- has higher authority when it comes to beating down enemies of the state. peacekeepers are usually purposed with making arrests and using truncheons against anyone who attempts to escape protests, whereas the DNS's jurisdiction largely covers raids against organized rebel groups. Given the that the protest was a coordinated effort between numerous chapters of the same movement, the exact situation fell into ambiguity.

Compounding the issue further was the arrival of Adze secret police officers, who claimed that crushing the budding freedom movement was -their- prerogative, as leaders of the movement had directly criticized the chancellor and were therefore enemies of the Jingoist Party (the singular controlling party of Glatixland, of which the chancellor is the head). The Adze are largely tasked with safeguarding the interests of the party, and by extension they act as the director enforcers of the chancellor. This third event quickly sparked a larger and more heated debate over who gets to beat down protesters. 

Glatixian political expert Hans Schans helps us break down the problem:

"You see, Chet, this was a case of Local Judicial Authority vs National Executive Authority vs Personal Executive Authority. The peacekeepers, DNS, and Adze all technically act on behalf of the government, but each exists at either a different level or under a different frame of authority. Unfortunately, they ALL had jurisdiction in this, but none of them really had more jurisdiction than the others."

Within minutes, a fistfight broke out between peacekeepers and DNS agents after one of the former referred to one of the latter as a "tie-wearing, fivehead-having !@#$". Unfortunately, striking a peacekeeper or a DNS agent is illegal, leading to the Adze attempting to arrest both parties with force, which in turn led to both parties also trying to arrest them. By the end of the fight, well over 900 peacekeepers, DNS agents, and Adze operatives had sustained major injuries and were handcuffed to dozens of police cruisers, lamp-posts, benches, and door handles. The majority of the protesters managed to escape during the confusion.

Glatixian prosecutors remain entirely uncertain who they're allowed to put on trial for this.