New Washington Panthers Stun Balboa Knights in Thrilling UIFL Championship

On the 15th of February, the New Washington Panthers played the Balboa Knights to win the UIFL Championship in sunny Independence. Led by running back Christian Malik, the newly crowned UIFL MVP, the Panthers entered the game with a 11-6 record and a win in the semi-finals against the Star's Hollow Patriots (this was the first time the Patriots did not participate in the UIFL Championship), while the top-seeded Knights had a 15-2 records and a playoff victory against the Mountain's Ridge Rockies. 

The game was broadcast on national television in the primetime slot, with Jimmy Garoppolo and Nick Saban returning to do the commentary. The usual ceremonies were held, including the color guard, national anthem, and flyover. Temperatures were in the high fifties with a slight wind present, but Nile Shipping Arena is an indoor stadium, so neither factor was relevant. 

Because the Panthers won the toss, the Knights received the ball to start. The Knights wasted no time, with QB Lake Jameson throwing a 33 yard bomb to all-pro tight end Green Kawa'le to place Balboa in Panther territory almost immediately. However, after a gain of twelve more yards by Kawa'le, the drive stalled out, forcing the Knights to kick a field goal. The Panthers then got the ball, marching down the field before coming up just short from one yard line.

"Now, here's a guy in Christian Malik, who sets the UIFL scrimmage yards record, five hundred yards ahead of the previous mark. They have him lined up in the shotgun, to the right of quarterback Robert Waldron. Waldron takes the snap, hands off to Malik... bounces off of the left tackle, sprinting to the end zone, and he is tackled, but still manages to get in! Oh, wait, he's short! He is barely inches short of the end zone!"

The Panthers were stopped again on fourth down, and the first quarter ended with the Knights marching the ball down the field. The second quarter began, and Green Kawa'le once again showed up to make a big play, making a one-handed catch next to the sideline to get the Knights in the red zone. Then, rookie wideout Jamal Kreyendo took a jet sweep from but would lose the football to a big hit by Nathan Werchamber, the all-pro. Here's what the commentators said about that:

"Here we go now. Jameson to take the snap for the Knights. He fakes a throw, turns around to handoff to the wideout Kreyendo. Kreyendo cuts back, evading the defender, and GETS ABSOLUTELY HAMMERED BY WERCHAMBER! And the ball is out! The Panthers say they recovered! Yes, I think this is going to be Panthers football!" 

The Panthers drove the ball right back down the field, attempting but failing to successfully run a trick play. After several Christian Malik runs, New Washington got the ball to the Knights eleven yard line. The Knights almost held off the Panthers, forcing a third and seven from the eight, but an incredible touchdown run by Malik put the Panthers on the board to end the half.

The halftime show was performed by legendary rapper and singer Skittles. He performed "Rap Lord", "The Fat Sunny", and "Build Thyself". He earned a standing ovation from the crowd before returning to watch the rest of the match.

The third quarter began with the Panthers receiving the ball. Christian Malik did not get far on the first play, but would instead fumble the ball on a botched snap and handoff. The all-pro Johnny Bason recovered, setting the Knights up with great field position. The Knights then ran a trick play, setting up with Green Kawa'le taking the direct snap, only to toss the ball to Jamal Kreyendo, who then lobbed a pass which resulted in Tolbert Hightower scoring a touchdown to put the Knights up, 10-7. The Panthers would hold onto the ball for the remainder of the quarter.

The fourth quarter began with the Panthers in the red zone, threatening to tie, if not take the lead. On the first three downs, the Knights defense held firm, but on fourth down, the Panthers attempted to fake a field goal. 

"If the Panthers make this field goal, it's tie ballgame. Kris Long to snap, Jerry Hong to hold, and Joey Slick to hold. Snap, hold, and-wait, he flipped it to the kicker! He's rolling out to his right to throw! AND HE'S TAKEN DOWN! The Panthers tried fake a field goal, but it didn't work! In the biggest game of the year, the Panthers took the biggest gamble, and it failed!"

The Knights would then spend the next ten minutes holding onto the ball, slowly marching it down the field, and breaking down the Panther defense, but eventually were stopped and forced to kick a field goal. Thirteen to seven, Knights.

And finally, the Panthers had one shot. They were out of timeouts. Three minutes on the clock, down by six points. Christian Malik, the reigning MVP. Robert Waldron, who might retire at the end of the year. It would come down to these two. Almost immediately, the Knights suffocated Malik, crushing any attempts the Panthers made at running the football. And just like that, it was fourth down. The Panthers realized that they couldn't run to a first down. It would come down to Waldron to make a big throw. Even though all the attention was on Malik, Waldron still felt the heat when he dropped back into the pocket.

"I think the game's up. Malik cannot run anywhere, so the Panthers can't do anything. Everything runs through him. He is the only reason that the Panthers are even here to begin with! Here we go. The Panthers have one shot to pull a miracle out of the bag. They will not even fake to Malik, Waldron is going to drop back. He gets the throw off AND IS WALLOPED! Golly, that was-HE CAUGHT IT! THE PANTHERS HAVE A FIRST DOWN! THIS GAME IS NOT OVER!" 

Despite a clear and pronounced limp, Waldron stayed in the game, and continued to lead the Panthers on the field. However, the clock was still ticking, and the Panthers were running out of time to score. Eventually, it was Panther ball, on the ten yard line, with three seconds to go. One shot. One opportunity. Waldron lined up. Malik to his left. Defense in Cover Two Man.

"What a game. Remember the last time we were here? Eisenhower versus Star's Hollow. The Patriots were stopped in this position, but maybe the Panthers can pull a miracle out of their bag again. Nile Web Services Analytics says that the Panthers have a 16% chance of scoring here. Once again, Waldron to line up. He is really limping now, but determined to finish the game. He's going to take the snap. First read, second read. Waldron ducks under a defender. Pocket collapsing, Waldron limping out to the right. He gets the throw off just as he is obliterated by a defender. Pass to the back corner of the endzone... IT'S CAUGHT! THIS BALLGAME IS OVER! THE PANTHERS ARE GOING TO WIN IT!" 

With the Panthers scoring the extra point, the new UIFL Champions were crowned. Despite the heroics of QB Robert Waldron, Christian Malik still won Super Bowl MVP, becoming the first UIFL player to win MVP and Super Bowl MVP. And so, to an audience of 300,000 in stadium and 1.2 million people on TV, the New Washington Panthers were crowned as the best football team in the world.