Nation Bulletin

Glatixian butcher wasps: Should you be concerned?

Recently, biologists have warned that more and more nests of the infamous Butcher Wasp have been discovered outside of Glatixland.

By Glatixland State News
02/08/2022 08:41 pm
Updated: 02/08/2022 08:42 pm

  1
Share On:   

Genetically engineered super wasps? Where?

In recent days, field scientists from various nations have marked the locations of more than 300 hives of the infamous Glatixian butcher wasp. The butcher wasp, named for its tendency to aggressively stab a victim until they are indistinguishable from a cut of raw meat, has been the topic of a row involving accusations of genetic manipulation. Biologists from outside of Glatixland often claim that no animal would naturally evolve to display such extreme aggression, whereas Glatixian scientists argue that those biologists are nerds and that no one should listen to them.

While it's certainly true that there have been odd cases in which the wasps have not only targeted a single individual, but also pursued their family and burned down their home, this is most likely the result of the sort of natural genetic drift that's caused animals to change for centuries.

Fortunately, the Chancellor was able to dispel the rumors:

"It's ridiculous to claim that we'd ever try to genetically engineer some sort of super wasp for military purposes. Even if we -did- do something like that, we'd never let an entire hive escape from a laboratory. Finally, even if they -did- escape from a laboratory after killing 23 scientists, 45 soldiers, and a janitor, we'd never make an attempt to hide this information from the public. Yes, it's true that the wasp's venom liquefies your insides, and causes your heart to violently explode, but that's just a side effect of nature and stuff. Plenty of other species of bugs do that, I assume. 

Likewise, it's true that an unmarked laboratory in Katesville was burned to the ground yesterday, but that, along with the deaths of every single lab worker and the destruction of all involved records, was just a tragic accident. Finally, we are well-aware that at least a dozen of the scientists who worked at that lab were found dead in their homes with gunshot wounds to the back of the head. While some might find that suspicious, it's obvious that all of them were just severely depressed and happened to commit suicide at the exact same time. There's really no point in asking any further questions, or doing any sort of lab analysis of captured specimens."

The Glatixian government has since announced a focused effort to mitigate the numbers of the dangerous wasps, primarily via firebombing. Several Glatixian cities have been evacuated and subsequently bombed in a massive pest control campaign that's left at least 23,000 people dead or missing. Rumors that the wasps "appear to be immune to fire" are likely exaggerated. 

Replies

Posted February 08, 2022 at 10:24 pm

Lucky for us, it is far too cold for wasps to survive here.

  2