A movement without movement?
Following backlash from Glatixland's strikes against a chain of IKEA stores, a new grassroots political movement has taken root across the nation. The so-called 'Anarcho-Totalitarians' have surged in popularity, though many both in and outside of the political effort seem to have no earthly idea what it actually represents. They appear to simultaneously espouse a belief that the government should significantly liberalize, while also advocated for a government crackdown of existing civil liberties as a means of curtailing disturbing social trends.
In order to get down to business and learn more about this self-contradicting faction, we spoke to Henrik Moore, Katesville's local Anarcho-Totalitarian party leader:
"We're Glatixians, and like any other citizens of this great nation we want the best for the population. The only way of doing that is to give the people a greater say, while also using extreme force to maintain stability. We need to get rid of the arbitrary laws requiring permits to protest, in addition to giving Glatixian enforcers carte blanc to use incredible violence against those who would question the perfection of our mighty country by daring to protest. People need to be free to speak their minds in order to create a marketplace of ideas, so that the government can stamp it out beneath a tide of jackbooted terror. To be clear, we stand against the tyranny of the government, but we also hold the conviction that anyone who voices criticism of the government should be shot."
Suffice to say, the interview was successful in confusing all curious parties even further. Other aspects of the party's platform only lend to further confusion, such as their 'Anti-Choice and Anti-Life' arguments on the topic of abortion, with their leadership both asserting the right to bodily autonomy, and the belief that abortion should only occur after the child is born. Raising even more questions, however, are the seemingly reactionary 'National Libertarians'. The movement apparently began six minutes ago, with hundreds of thousands already subscribing to the ideology.
According to this newer party's website:
"Our mission is to actively oppose the radical and senseless ideology of Anarcho-Totalitarianism. We firmly believe that every single Glatixian should be free to be murdered by the government BEFORE they attempt to spark dissent. We also condemn their draconian views on abortion. A child can be a traitor far before he or she leaves the womb, so suggesting that only post-birth abortion be allowed is insane. What's more, providing a common set of rights and punishments for every Glatixian is liberal nonsense. We believe that there should be a lottery system at birth, in which we spin a big wheel to determine people's rights. Also, people can trade rights with each other, but only once a month. That makes much more sense then giving government hand-outs like "freedom of speech" to ungrateful layabouts. They should have to work for the right to work. Also Axolotls control the government."
National Libertarian commentators have stirred quite a bit of controversy since the previous paragraph was written, with 'NL' talk show host Margan McGargan making headlines by stating that 'sharing oxygen with other people for free is basically communism'. It's worth stating that Glatixland's official stances on economics tend to veer towards worker's rights and socialist structuring.
With no specific policy ideas whatsoever, the direction of these movements remains anyone's guess, but one thing is certain... no one has any idea what the !@#$ they want.
