A commendation to the world
Today the Glatixland Department of State Diplomacy publicly commended the efforts of various world powers in regards to the nuclear clean-up. Director Finley O'Neal had this to say:
“Global radiation levels are finally beginning to decrease, and with such a trend comes the possibility of a return to normalcy. We in Glatixland understand that it's tempting to rely on nuclear weapons in warfare. Not all nations are capable of efficient conventional warfare. Some countries are comprised entirely of limp-wristed weaklings, and therefore have to rely on nerd-science to gain any ground. Regardless, with the threat of prolonged nuclear winter beginning to fade, Glatixland is pleased to announce a return to our usual foreign policy! As such, we've kicked off a new season of Jingoism by integrating the nearby islands of Pianosa, Montecristo, and Gig- Gigli- Gag- whatever the last one is called. We're probably renaming it anyways."
The government intends to found new settlements across the recently liberated territories, bringing Glatixland one step closer to the Italian mainland.
End of Glatixian-Moonman hostilities
After a long and grueling struggle, hostilities between Glatixland and Moonland have come to a decisive end. Massive infrastructural damage was dealt to numerous major cities, and tens of thousands were killed in the fighting. The Glatixian combat doctrine of *Farquadian Warfare eventually won the day, driving the Moonmen off the island.
In the wake of the fighting, the Glatixlandwehr has been ordered to substantially increase its size. A new recruitment drive promises a free uniform with every sign-up.
*Farquadian Warfare comprises the fighting strategy of Glatixland. It involves throwing wave after wave of soldiers at the enemy until they run out of ammunition. The doctrine is often characterized by the line, “Some of you may die, but that is a sacrifice I am willing to make.”
The Search for Snuggles
Efforts continue to locate God-Admiral Snuggles, the head of the Glatixian Navy and the most beloved cat in Europe. He was last seen aboard the ‘Gary’, a destroyer that comprised the entirety of the Navy prior to being sunk by Moonland forces. With the conflict at an end, efforts are being made to find the high-ranking feline, including the deployment of a second naval vessel and the distribution of Snuggles's favorite treats to various coastal bases.
Other nations with information about the God-Admiral's whereabouts are encouraged to contact the Glatixland consulate.
Glatixland Department of State Diplomacy announces ‘little tyrant’ program
In an effort to give back to the global community, the Glatixian government plans to offer aid to various newly-formed nations. The program will help aspiring dictators and similarly violent regimes during a time where nuclear fallout has made the waging of war a difficult affair. As such, munitions and other war-supplies will be shipped to smaller nations around Glatixland.
“No nation should have to go it alone in these difficult times," begins the Chancellor. “We'll do what we can to help the little guy. Newly formed countries have been disproportionately effected by the radiation, particularly nascent dictatorships with deep systemic corruption. Many have had to resort to halving their military budget just to afford food, and we cannot remain apathetic to such things. Everyone has the right to kill their neighbor, so we hope this this program will encourage developing countries to do just that.”
