Analysts say You have a High Chance of Finding a Girlfriend. | TRN

[Toronto, Canada] September 20, 2098 - Researchers at the esteemed University of Toronto's Human Sciences Department, fueled by 1:00 AM, "sigma-grind" motivation and cans of BEPIS cola have published a jaw-dropping paper which has raised the hopes of millions of men like you, who are living with the symptoms of the chronic OSTD, PWRPD, which stands for Pulmonary Withdrawal from Reality Pressure Disorder. Symptom's of the OSTD (by where the disease is transmitted between individuals who are lacking in the interaction department) that you suffer include a lack in one's self esteem, academic performance and achievement across all arrays of life, and most importantly, a decreased in the perceived attraction of yourself by others. However, the team at the University of Toronto HSD is challenging this claim, with their new study which surveyed women between the ages of 17 and 28, finding evidence that would dispute the stigma around dating those affected by the OSTD not by the general public, no, but by you.

      The report, titled, 'The Gap Between Individual Perception of the PWRPD Impacted and The Public in Mating Prospects' also surveyed over 50,000 women to examine their opinions and possible prejudices on men affected by PWRPD. "We came into the study expecting women to respond overwhelmingly negative, but the results really shocked us." The report's head researcher told TRN. Responses from the interviewed women included such statements as, "I don't really mind if you never leave the house and are unemployed, the most important thing to me is that you're the hegemon of Orbis, even if that means collecting food stamps or living on the streets.", "Y'know, at first I was on the fence about it, but your unwashed feet and armpits emit a really pleasant odor that really defines you from most guys." and, "I bet you're going to be remembered for this." 84% of respondents said that they would consider dating a man afflicted with PWRDP. Additionally, 20% of respondents answered that they would prefer dating a man afflicted with PWRDP. "Taking showers is a really feminine thing to do, its kind of an ick." One woman enthusiastically wrote in her response. Thus, with this data, the University's analysts have determined that you have a high, if not elevated chance of finding a girlfriend.

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Also, due to technical difficulties, I was not able to update the SBCON thing, so its from the last bulletin