Rason mandates 2 years military service for all citizens

KAESONG - The Dictator of Rason recently announced the latest plan (not the plan to plan a strategic plan) to increase military power.

“For days now, our soldier count has been capped at 72,000. We need more troops! Hopefully, this will bolster our numbers," Army General Ramirez announced. Before, citizens with sadistic tendencies were removed from the population and into the military, where they can commit war crimes abroad without fear of retribution. This also left the remaining citizens feeling much safer, but also much emptier, as about 1 in 6 people were drafted.

The General also assured people that these regular citizens forced into the military were perfectly safe. “We just need to appear more powerful than we really are,” the briefing plan said. “These are the behind-the-scenes soldiers; the people who get my coffee, test out field equipment and yell at the real recruits."

At press time, there was no mention of how the already overcrowded barracks would handle the sudden influx of soldiers, nor addressed the ethical problem of sending in 14-16-year-old children to the military.