Do you spend the nights trading shares? No? You''re a "good person"? What if I told you that you could make like a kajillion dollars (I failed algebra.)
Here's the story. A man from the company currently making the robots I need to replace every single barista in the workforce of my company (don't tell the union!) by the name of Adam nominated this beautiful nation for the..best nation page? Oh wow, I just checked...seems like my unpaid workers I really put the time into making it. At first, I thought that this was a stupid idea. I was shaking my head..."Oh no...I have to pay my PR department again..." but then I realized that I we could make a ton of money.
See, if our company won, then the New York Times would make a stupid article about how we exploit our workers and how we don't deserve the award...(which isn't true! Unless you think that's a good thing for business, in that case it is. Please invest.) and suddenly everybody would pay attention to our coffee shop. Some would "boycott" but the rest would be like "Isn't that the coffee shop that did a bunch of bad/good things? Let's go and check it out because I'm a middle class apartment dweller who can afford occasional diversions to make unnecessary purchases." I would know that's how middle class people talk.
You would make a ton of money.
I would make most of the money.
Here's how we can make this fantasy of you owning 97% less yachts instead of 100% less yachts than me true.
- Invest your life savings...plus double your net worth.
- When the time comes...vote for me in the contest.
- Make the money!
Just kidding, I'll steal it all from you.
By the way, you don't actually have to vote for me.
