How to prevent your tomatoes from starting a communist revolution

Tomatoes. A universally enjoyed fruit. Whether it be on your pizza, hamburbur or as tomato sauce it will always add that bit of flavour or texture to your life. But do not be fooled by these innocent looking red things. They are vicious and dangerous to everyone and anyone who comes close to them. In fact some tomatoes feel that tomato abuse has gone on for too long and have resorted to violence. There have been a rising amount of incidents of tomatoes rising up against establishments like mcdonalds, dominoes and steven’s evening soup kitchen. This bulletin will ensure you are well informed about how to prevent or stop your tomatoes from starting a communist revolution.

Step 1: Buy the correct tomatoes

When you go shopping at your local tesco or target you may be inclined to pick the first batch of tomatoes you see. This is WRONG!!! Not checking your tomatoes before purchase may be a fatal mistake just like how it was a fatal mistake to date that girl from middle school. Always check your tomatoes for a lable that says “MADE IN USA” It is a well known fact that tomatoes hate anything american or capitalist and so any tomatoes made in america will have already perished from cringe or obesity induced heart failure. Be aware that these american tomatoes do spoil very quickly due to this but that they are otherwise safe to purchase. Any tomatoes from western countries like the netherlands or canada may also be purchased without worry as they will have been vaccinated with proper amounts of capitalism. Make sure to AVOID buying CHINESE tomatoes. These tomatoes are masters of deception and may look like they are “american and capitalist certified” but are secretly infused with chinese communism which may induce starvation, a thirst for cheap goods and small “you know what i am talking about you naughty person” syndrome in whoever consumes them.

Step 2: Stopping a revolution at its source

If you accidentally bought the wrong tomatoes then you can still prevent a revolution before it can become harmfull to you and your loved ones. Make sure to immediatly take one tomato from your batch and butcher it violently in front of the others. This will be a show of force and may scare the tomatoes into submission. Remember that this will NOT WORK if the tomatoes are already revolting. Incase the tomatoes are revolting you can use Bananas to counter their communist influence. It is well known that bananas are symbols of capitalism and corporate greatness and if used correctly may be able to neutralize the communist tomatoes before they become a threat.

Step 3: NEVER LET TOMATOES INTERACT WITH MAILBOXES

This step is very important. Dave once had his tomatoes delivered to his home and the mailman put them in his mailbox. Dave’s dog was dead the next day and nobody knows who did it. But you and me know… we all know… Tomatoes and Mailboxes are natural allies. In fact the Tomato Communist Party has ties with the Mailbox Mafia and so letting the two ever interact is a danger to everyone around you. If you ever let your tomatoes and mailboxes close to eachother then make sure to call the CIA IMMEDIATLY! Arrange a residency as a researcher in antarctica and move as far away as possible to avoid the two being able to hunt you down

Step 4: Operation Ba- i mean The last resort

If the tomatoes have started their revolution already then its not too late. We must now resort to our last options, war. You must go to war with the Tomato Communist Party and their leader Joseph Saucin. Make sure to evacuate everyone you love from your residence to ensure no harm falls upon them. After this is complete DO NOT call the police! The police are bribed by the mailbox mafia and if you call them your mailbox will be notified of the tomato revolution and assist them against you. It is now time to fight the evil communist tomatoes and !@#$ them once and for all. For this we will use the Finish Sako Tarkkuuskivääri Riihimäki G-sarja", "Riihimäki Precision Rifle. With a length of 1200mm and allowing for .338 Lapua Magnum rounds using a bolt action firing mechanism. This magnificent piece of true finish engineering will be the perfect weapon against the communist tomato threat. This sniper rifle will allow for ranges up to 1500 meters which is perfect for fighting the tomatoes which do not have access to long range precision rifles like you do. The rifle also comes with day and night vision optics allowing for 24/7 combat operations in any conditions. In the event that your Sako Tarkkuuskivääri Riihimäki G-sarja", "Riihimäki Precision Rifle is not available. You may also use the The Tampella 155 K 83 towed howitzer field gun. Another masterpiece of finish engineering, the Tampella 155 K 83 will allow for an firing range of up to 30 kilometers or in american units about 300 mcdonalds restaurants. The Tampella 155 K 83 and Sako Tarkkuuskivääri Riihimäki G-sarja", "Riihimäki Precision Rifle will allow you to dominate the war against the communist tomatoes and destroy them.

Now that the tomatoes have been neutralized you know that next time you’ll always check the tomatoes on whether or not they are capitalist certified. Untill next time

THEY ARE WATCHING