Breaking News: Screw You, We're Raising Coffee Prices

Some say coffee is the greatest addiction in the world. I agree, because you're such a broke idiot that you keep paying for a stupid shot of beans from slaves in Costa Rica. 

Addictions are hard to give up, so we're making you pay more for coffee to fund our war efforts to take over coffee producin- I mean to fight back from these evil guys at...WELP..? that are trying to destroy our livelihoods. I know this war has made you broke, so we'll just make you a little bit more financially unstable by taking more money from you. What are you gonna do, go to Starbucks? You've already established that you like local, handbrewed coffee to your family (since you're incredibly pretentious) and so you're going to continue drinking our locally made 3000 miles away coffee. This is just an announcement to tell you to bring more cash.