HIGHLAND NEWSPAPER
BREAKING NEWS: EARL OF YORK CLAIMS THE THRONE IN "TERRIFYING" STATEMENT
" The queen shall remain my wife and nothing more. She is content to remain this way, and I, as you future king will not tolerate her slander."
As we all know, and have been witness to, the earl Of York is a evil gentleman. He has demanded that the Queen give him the coronet and that she become a slave to his demands. Like all of Scotland , here at the printing press in Edinburgh have heard of this terrible fate that awaits the Island Queen
The Date for wedding was confirmed to be in the winter months.... and the queen and king will then proceed to make arrangements for the crowning of his majesty Meriwether the Ist He will take over as king it has been confirmed and the queen will step back in the "less demanding and less authoritative role." as wife of the king. His lordship has given a most terrifying and utterly indomitable statement ,that clearly marked out how he would rule and how he would take the throne, He almost berated the nobles and called them out for being soaked with "the evils of liberal ideals". He is a traditionalist and conservative and will craft the island as he sees fit.
The full statement was released a few hours after dawn and came in via The Jacboian telegraph into the mainland and northern parts of Scotland from the islands themselves. We have the full statement below and we also interviewed the Count Percy Strorrdge of Glencoe to better understand how the gentry have viewed and perceived the current situation .
The main opinion that many of the public of Scotland have is that the man is a oppressor of women. From what I have heard and seen of the fellow, he'd rather they remain as housewife or maids. The Queen herself is also traditional, but due to her weak and gentle nature, I feel she has been taken fully captive politically and emotionally. It is clear that she has given herself to this bossy man and now I feel as a nation we all have to suffer under his old fashioned clutches. She hasn't even given a statement about it yet... I wonder if he's given her permission!"
He went on to mention the impact and long term plans of the gentry and how he tried to persuade the queen to stop what he thinks is nonsense
"We just continue to advise her to be independent, to keep the crown to herself and to stop actin in such a medieval nature. I have said to her countless times "Surely this man is a dandy and control freak.. and yet you surrender to him as if you were a helpless pauper. You are not a pauper... You are the queen... Our Ruler!" and yet shes smiles, shakes her head and mostly always says something along the lines of "Oh percy... but hes a wonderful and wise man. Yes hes proud, but he is much better than I in matters of leadership and monarchy. I want him to be the king. I should obey and follow my husband after all"
honestly the queen won't listen to reason. I feel sorry for her because she is so inexperienced in matters of monarchy and he has the advantage over her in terms of intellect. "
In the early hours of this fine summers day, A bleak and cold speech was released and sent through via telegram to the mainland of Scotland. The Earl of York addressed his public and confirmed his plans to take the throne from his feeble wife. It will have come as a major shock to all most of us. We on the mainland can only be grateful we are not living on that island owned by the evil lord. Below is the full speech as sent to the Highland Newspaper in Stathcarron
Dispatched from ISLE OF LEWIS, NESS ~ The Earl Of York addresses the islands
~ The media and printing press across our country have made many statements about what they think She should do and How they think She should act. Well I shall make that clear today. She will be relinquishing her monarchical powers, her powers of the throne and coronet to myself. As her husband I shall take full reign over this island and see that it sails in a steady fashion throughout my era of history unmade. I have always known it best for a woman such as rose (Queen rosemary) to take on a less demanding and less authoritative role. Her heart is not suited to the roughness of political discussion and the shame of the court. I already have sought witness to the sneering and pathetic pigs of nobleman who chant and whisper behind the poor girls back. You men dare to pressure her to remain in power? I am pleased to disappoint you, the queen shall remain my wife and nothing more. She is content to remain this way, and I as you future king will not tolerate her slander. Her endurance is weak and her heart is too chaste for you snobs and weasels to sully her. Do not mistake me. I am no fool to tarry with. As your king and master of this island I shall not allow for such rumors to tarnish a woman, to whom I have given my grand name.
This is a era of history to be made my fellow men and women who stand as subjects. I have seen the digression into modernity and how the evils of liberal ideals soak into the upper society in the southern parts of Britannia. My Rule and lordship in Yorkshire was a education of woe. I understood the horrific aims of the left and wished to stamp them out with the voice of reason. No, I am no tyrannical ruler, but I do demand my orders to be obeyed. My word to be received.
I will instill a sense of pragmatic tradition back into the soul of this country, The nobles are in need of a voice of reason and authority. They are too flamboyant in their practice and therefore the gentry of these islands have become inflicted with the damning sickness of modernity and progression. These abrupt men are no longer eligible for my court or for my council. As a result of their uneducated minds I have decided to carry out the task of tutoring and reforming the current royal council as it stands today . Some of the major nobles have made clear they firmly believe that a woman should not relinquish her power to a man. I disagree with those kind sirs. It is a fact that a woman is not suited to rule as a man is, and therefore I have made the decision of the wisest nature.
I am speaking to confirm that I have ordered the Queen to step back from her role as monarch. In accordance with the rule of island coronation I will take the throne shortly after. I am forced to make such a statement about my private affairs now, in order to prevent the weasels of the papers to make unsightly statements about the nature of my future wife's judgment. She was your monarch and yet now she is made fun of by the papers and voices of the people? Yes she has surrendered her power of command to her husband... and she has done so through the gentleness of her own feminine nature. As a woman she saw that she could not rule and saw that I could do so for her. I will take on this task now and take the reign into my hand. I shall hold tight the reign and command history in the way I see fit . For those who ask "what will become of the poor queen?" I shall answer now : My wife shall follow and remain faithful at my side, as I expect of her.
HIS LORDSHIP MERIWETHER, EARL OF YORK,
Sadly, there is no statement from the queen as this point to ease our discomfort. although even as this situation is getting worse there is always some hope in the darkness. A local Harris radio station has kept moral up during the terrible times. You can tune in whenever it airs and it always has something happy to talk about and there is no mention of the evil earl of York in any of the radio episodes! Local islanders can totally forget he exists!
THE HIGHLAND NEWSPAPER
STATHCARRON, NORTH WEST HIGHLANDS.
written by Barbara Honeycup
