During a rousing homily last week, clergyperson Ziggy Stardust called upon the idealistic nation of Texas to spread the message of true Christianity into outer space and met with the president and cabinet members earlier today.
“Fix your soul on this!” exclaimed Ziggy, sporting glittery shoes and extravagant makeup. “There are billions of stars, planets, and things to explore above our heads! Surely the Creator that made all the stuff up there intended for us to marvel at it, not only from a distance, but with our own hands and feet! What use is a gift that we refuse to understand? Texas must aid true Christianity to become a truly interplanetary religion; we can witness to the North Korean and Russian astronauts, and whoever else might be listening. I can’t wait for the moon to become part of my diocese.”
“Absolutely not,” fretted another Minister, Maximilian van !@#$. “Don’t you know how this ends? One nation decides they need to visit the moon for ideological reasons, and suddenly every nation does! We can’t afford to be drawn into a space race with nations like Russia or North Korea. Besides, there are plenty of earthly problems to solve before we deal with the heavenly ones.”
“I agree,” piped up a paranoid top military advisor. “We can’t allow the past to repeat itself. So when we send these devotees to the moon, they must be equipped with the best weaponry and escorted by the best military force that we can afford. There are several nations and radical cults that would be content to blow us out of the sky before we reach the moon. A good offense is the best defense.”
“We can’t have special-interest groups blasting off the planet whenever they feel like it,” declared Sierra Cohen, while glaring disdainfully at Ziggy’s outfit. “But it might not be a bad idea to have an official Texian Astronaut Corps. With a program carefully run by the government, we can ensure that our space travellers have no ideological loyalty except to our proud Democratic-Republic.”
“This all seems rather foreboding,” stammered agoraphobic protester Ashley Kardashian as she was passing by the open doorway. “If the Divine had wanted us to visit space, why is it so dark and inhospitable? There’s nothing up there but creepy spiders from Mars. We must forbid all flying machines from the Texian skies; only then will we be safe from the terrors of the air.”
With a silent and purposeful nod to Ziggy & with a warm smile, President Philippou indicated that he liked this idea best and set forth plans straightaway to get the mission underway.
