Glatixland Weather Report: Enemy Ballistic Missiles Expected Through to Thursday

Transcript:

A reporter stands in front of a burning building. Loud booms echo throughout the city and the camera occasionally shakes. The reporter notably holds an open umbrella.

1st Reporter: "This is Chet McChadly, reporting to you on the ground from Danikagrad where enemy missile strikes have been rocking the city all week. Earlier reports indicated that the winter weather would be quite harsh, but few were expecting an event of this severity. Luckily, Glatixland's Missile Defense System has mitigated the worst damage, so the overall repair cost will likely be below that of your average hailstorm. We'll go to the studio for more detail!"

The feed cuts to a well-dressed man with pearly white teeth standing in front of a large projection screen. Missile forecasts can be seen in various cities, superimposed over regular weather events. 

2nd Reporter: "Thanks Chet! As you can see, the missiles from TLK Canada, Gran Columbia, and the Brexit are of shoddy quality and prone to interception by our local defensive systems. Nevertheless, certain roads might be dangerous to drive on so local schools have been delayed two hours each day to allow for rubble clearing. Parents don't need to be too concerned about schools or vital infrastructure being hit directly, as thus far enemy missiles seemingly couldn't hit the broad side of a barn.

If you'll turn your attention to this chart here, you can see that the three attacking nations are also experiencing weather issues, namely oceanic blockage in the form of the Glatixian navy, and separate storms of lead and incendiary bombs from the Glatixian army and air force respectively. These strange events appear to have caused tens of thousands of casualties among the nations' military forces in particular. Glatixland offers our thoughts and prayers to the affected nations, and thanks to Brexit in particular for the millions of pounds that they've 'donated' to our nation. In other news, heavy rain showers are expected this afternoon. Watch those roads folks, or someone might -actually- get hurt!"