BASKOL - 7 lumberjacks were killed last night after a series of explosions rocked the sleepy logging town of Aasid. Recent investigations finally revealed the source.
According to a lumberjack who miraculously survived the event, landmines were rigged around the tree they planned to cut down. “The guy in the front of our group stepped forward, and then there was a series of explosions, and I woke up in the hospital,” the poor soul in the Intensive Care Unit managed to scrawl out on a notepad while family members anxiously waited to know if he would survive.
The Silence, the eco-terrorist group claiming responsibility, released their manifesto on the Internet. “You evil, patriarchal capitalist men are slowly destroying the world,” the introductory paragraph began, disregarding the fact the 5 of the 7 lumberjacks who tragically lost their lives were women, and one identified as “non-binary”.
“We needed to teach you fascist pigs a lesson,” the document continued. The Logging Company released its own statement in response. “We were there to cut down one tree. It was dying and was a safety risk to the public who liked to hike and camp in the forest”, the CEO wrote. “Instead, the endangered species of trees that only existed here is now nearing extinction. The Silence has done more harm than good.”
Task Force 141, Rason’s elite counter-terrorism unit has been assigned to the case and predicts the culprits will be brought to justice shortly. In the meantime, citizens have been told to report any suspicious behaviour that could identify these cowardly terrorists.
At press time, the public has responded by self-isolating and staying inside as much as possible, leaving only for necessities, due to fear of detonating another homemade explosive.
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It's a satire poking fun at eco-terrorists