Rason militarizes the “Gender Reveal Party”

KAESONG - Rason’s military declassified plans to weaponize gender reveal parties. General Gary Ramirez told the press more details.

“We have all been hearing about gender reveal parties and all the destruction they cause. So why not weaponize it?” Ramirez said to reporters. “Drop some party-goers into enemy lines and cause some mass destruction.”

In a more detailed document, the procedures for carrying out gender reveal attacks were included. Random young citizens would be taken off the streets, had their memory wiped and replaced with the idea they are about to celebrate a gender reveal party. A stealth helicopter would bring them to infiltrate into enemy territory. Once they have safely reached their objective, the party will begin, resulting in huge explosions and massive destruction to enemy forces and infrastructure.

Some UN leaders have wondered about the ethicality of this strategy. “Not only are these revellers unknowing civilians,” a member began, “but the gender reveal party should be considered a weapon of mass destruction and restricted accordingly.”

Until then, the Rasonian military plans to use this method to strike fear in the hearts of the enemy. Gender reveal parties that were going to take place in Rason are also told to move their location to an enemy city.

At press time, over 24,000 infrastructure had been destroyed, and 190,426 deaths have been confirmed as a result. However, the party-goers themselves have escaped unscathed, allowing themselves to be reused over and over again.

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