Nation Bulletin

Rason implements “fake military” for citizens addicted to first person shooter games

Almost identical to the games, it allows video game nerds to have even more fun

By Rasonian News Department
04/28/2021 02:26 am
Updated: 04/28/2021 02:29 am

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KAESONG - It is a well-known phenomenon in Rason that the most devoted to FPS games often find themselves fantasizing about serving in the armed forces (usually the special forces) to be just like their video game characters. 

But real military life is very different. Not only do you have to be physically fit, but combat just isn’t the same. You don’t execute a perfect, speedy reload every time. Guns will jam. Equipment breaks. There aren’t “perks”, or “killstreaks”. Most importantly, there is a very real risk of painful injuries and death. 

Yet many adults with a bright future ahead of them enlist in the military and find that military life isn’t all fun and games, but a 2-year minimum sentence of misery. But Call of Duty Youtuber Jerry Cui has come up with a promising solution for all these unfortunate souls. 

“Using the vast fortune I amassed by simply being good at reacting to lights flashing from a metal box I sat next to all day, I managed to come up with the solution,” he said in his proposal to the federal government. “We recruit them into what seems like a legit PMC (Private Military Company). This makes it seem like it is more ‘cool’ than the regular military.”

After recruitment, they would do exactly what their misconceptions of the military that video games led them to believe. Playing Capture the Flag or calling in an AC-130 are just some examples of their highlights while at the PMC. All the while, they believe they are actually serving the armed forces.

This program won’t be cheap, however. The funding will be split from the federal government, Cui’s own donations, and the fruits of blackmail against the families of rich recruits who want to hide the shame of their children. You can also help by subscribing to Jerry Cui’s Youtube channel.

At the time of the press release, over 200 people had already been recruited.

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