An important national announcement were televised on all state-owned television services at 9:00 AM today, by the orders of the government. The contents of the broadcast are summarised in this bulletin.
General Secretary ___ of the Asian SFSR acted as the spokesperson of the government for the announcement, and began speaking. He began with a greeting to all citizens of the nation, then honored the soldiers of the Soviet Asian military for their ongoing service in the war against Johnsons. He then named some soldiers, dead and alive, who have had exceptional records during battle. They were awarded the title of Hero of the Asian SFSR.
The General Secretary then made a statement targeted towards Johnsons, criticising them for the war. Among the more memorable lines was when he stated that the Fighting Pacifists and Armed Peacekeepers are supposed to keep peace and remain pacifists, but are yet the invaders in this war of aggression.
At the end, the General Secretary made a reminder - that we were not strangers to love, that you knew the rules and so did the government, that a full commitment was what they were thinking of, and that you wouldn't get this from any other guy.
The government just wanted to tell you how they were feeling, because they gotta make you understand.
They're never gonna give you up, they're never gonna let you down, they're never gonna run around nor desert you.
They're never gonna make you cry, they're never gonna say goodbye, and they're never gonna tell a lie nor hurt you.
The programming returned to normal afterwards.
(Confused? Check the date. Happy April Fools Day! Sorry if this post found you on March 31st or if you're from Johnsons, especially TFP/TAP.)
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