What's the most embarrassing moment of our life?

[redfive]

What's the most embarrassing moment of our life?

I'm happy to get it started...  here's mine...  I bet you'll find it worth it.

 

I was in Iraq in '03.  I worked at the Iraqi POW camp (Camp Bucca) as a U.S. Army PSYOP soldier interviewing Iraqi prisoners to obtain information for the coalition U.S. PSYOP campaigns – you know; military propaganda.  Early on, many of us would get sick.  We called it the "bunga bunga" because it hit you doubly hard.  IE – you’d be throwing up and have diarrhea all at the same time.  I did my absolute best to wash my hands frequently to avoid it.  Fortunately for me, I avoided it for about eight weeks…  but unfortunately, one evening, it hit me.  Hard.  I was talking to my OIC (Officer in charge) about the team efforts earlier that day, and suddenly I had intense pressure on my gut…  I could feel it coming, I didn’t say a word, just bolted out the tent and vomited in the sand.  I knew what was coming after that – everyone talked about the utter hell they went through when they had the bunga bunga that I was now in store for.  I grabbed a two-liter bottle of water from the truck as I began my walk to the latrines where I knew I needed to be.  I speed walked through the warm night, I could feel it building inside of me.  Growing, getting worse and worse until I felt like bursting.  I wanted to run, but I felt like if I did I’d sh## all over the place.  I seriously considered squatting right there on the side of that rudimentary road that ran from our little tent area to the latrines, but I was near some of the MP tents and two of the female MPs I wanted to bang, so no way in hell that was going to happen if I was the guy that sh## on the side of the road I would have been embarrassed.  I was determined to make it.  I pushed on and the last fifty feet felt like the last half of the 10k ruckmarch; it took forever, and it sucked to keep on going.  Cursing as I went, I kicked open the door, sat down and could let loose.  It was horrible.  The pressure was intense.  While this is happening, I can’t get up, but I have to get up to vomit…  ”FU##!  What do I do!?”  I thought to myself…  I hold it in as long as I can…  but I couldn’t hold it any longer, and I can't get up!!  "What do I do!?!?"  It was all of five seconds, it felt like weeks.  I saw my eyes flash before life – wait, no, my life flash before my eyes.  I had no choice, I flipped the latch up and kicked that door open…  I groaned and proceeded to projectile vomit all over the ground.  Again, and again.  I thought I scared someone and they ran away, but I wasn't sure.  The pressure subsided as I wrapped up the sh##s and pukes.  It was over…  I was dehydrated as hell, tried to drink some water and promptly puked it up.  I staggered to our medic tent where I got four bags of IV over the course of the next four hours or however long it was.  Eventually I was deemed as "good to go back" and slowly walked back to our team’s tent.  Not another bad sh## or vomit.  Thankfully it was over at that point.  I proceeded to sleep, wake in the morning, and we drove to the chow tent for breakfast.  We were wrapping up, me not eating much, sipping on some juice, head down and feeling like death, when an MP walks over to the table next to us with his chow…  and suddenly said “FU## GUYS!?!  You won’t believe what happened last night!!!  I was walking over to the sh##ter and suddenly an alien flipped the door open and these tentacles came out at me!" He went on and on about it...  My OIC looked up from his nearly clean plate, looked at me for a long while.  I could feel his gaze...  he said my name...  I looked up at his stupid little grin and he nodded in the talking MPs direction...  and I said... "Uhhh...  you know... that was me..."  and I half pointed to the dumbass MP who was still going on about whatever it was he was saying at that point...  My OIC couldn't stop laughing for about ten solid minutes...

Two days later I went back to the medic.  The bunga-bunga gave me an inguinal hernia...  here goes the second worst story of my days in Iraq (non-combat related - I should specify).

I noticed in the shower my left nut was bigger than normal a few days later.  Like abnormally huge beyond the normal huge.  I went to the medic tent.  Just the old doc in there at the time.  thank god the two hot nurses weren't there.  "What's the problem?" he said.  I told him, "Well, I think I got a hernia".  He responded with a "Hmmm..." and waved his finger a bit at me and then pointed down.  "Huh?"  I said.  His response, "Those pants, down...  let me see".  "Fu## my luck..." I thought to myself as I pulled my pants down.  The doc slid his little rolling chair over to me, put his cold fingers on my nut and said "now turn and cough", I turned and coughed.  He said "again", so I coughed again.  He said "again" one more time... so I coughed again, and his response was "oh...  Julia and Jenny - come on over here, I have something to show you" - I quickly whipped my head around...  the two hot nurses are staring at the old doc with my nut in his hand...  "FU##!!!" I thought...  the old Doc said "have you ever seen an inguinal hernia before?" to the two nurses now jaw-dropped...  "ummm...  no..." the one said.  They slowly walked over, and proceeded to listen as the Doc went on and on about hernias...  never taking his hand off me and them never taking their eyes off...  you know...  me.

[Buorhann]

Did you get their numbers?

[redfive]

4 hours ago, Buorhann said:

Did you get their numbers?

No...  I came back to the US for surgery and recovery and when I went back they had been moved to another base or home or somewhere, all I knew is they weren't there.