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Sailor Jerry

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Status Updates posted by Sailor Jerry

  1. So....what's new in this festering wasteland we hold so dear? 

  2. This game has become about as much fun as masturbating with a cheese grater.  Oh sure, in the beginning they are both fun and stimulating, then after awhile, they both become dull and painful!!! 

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Arkiri Arch

      Arkiri Arch

      dried semen could work as a callus 

       

    3. Sailor Jerry

      Sailor Jerry

      That maybe.....but realizing that I've played this game for a few years now makes me want to sit in a corner and cry.....then use my tears as lube while I rub one out and while I'm attempting to hang myself in my parents attic while listening to the Cure!!!  God I'm pathetic!

    4. Spaceman Thrax

      Spaceman Thrax

      Don't blame yourself. Your parents should have let you borrow their car. It's on THEM.

  3. So.....you have a stalker then?

    1. Buorhann

      Buorhann

      Apparently so!

  4. I hope....with all my heart, that Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell never needs to really rely on the U.S. Military

  5. Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a Whale ?'s vagina.

    1. 丂ħ̧i̧₣ɫ̵γ͘ ̶™

      丂ħ̧i̧₣ɫ̵γ͘ ̶™

      I found one of those right around this time last year. Ayy lmao.

  6. 50% of all marriages end in divorce.......however, 100% of divorces start with marriage. 

  7. Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

  8. Jack and Jill went up the hill,each with a buck and a quarter,Jill came down with two fifty....that !@#$ ing whore!

  9. If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down....we might.....if they screamed all the time....for no good reason! 

    1. WISD0MTREE

      WISD0MTREE

      AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

  10. Confucius say: Sex is like the navy, the closer you are to discharge, the better you feel.

    1. Rimski

      Rimski

      But what if the japs hit?

  11. If you get invited to your first orgy. don't just show up nude.....that's a common mistake, you have to let Nudity happen!!!

  12. I want to die in my sleep peacefully like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like his passengers.

  13. To me, clowns aren’t funny. In fact, they’re kind of scary. I’ve wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.

  14. If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you’ll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.

  15. One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. “Oh, no,” I said, “Disneyland burned down.” He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.

     

    1. Patty

      Patty

      I hope you went back the next day

  16. If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that’s what He’s getting!

  17. Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.

  18. Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: “Mankind.” Basically, it’s made up of two separate words, mank and ind. What do these words mean? It’s a mystery, and that’s why so is mankind.

  19. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

  20. I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don’t just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.

  21. If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.

  22. It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

  23. If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is “God is crying.” And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is “Probably because of something you did.”

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. WISD0MTREE

      WISD0MTREE

      But who'll stop the rain? 

    3. Doktor Avalanche

      Doktor Avalanche

      "It will continue to rain unless you start behaving, boy!"

    4. WISD0MTREE

      WISD0MTREE

      Long as I remember 
      The rain been comin' down.
      Clouds of myst'ry pourin' 
      Confusion on the ground.
      Good men through the ages, 
      Tried to find the sun;
      And I wonder, still I wonder, 
      Who'll stop the rain.

  24. For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here’s a tip: why not add a slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness?

    1. Doktor Avalanche

      Doktor Avalanche

      And a pickling mixture...

    2. WISD0MTREE

      WISD0MTREE

      I prefer prickly pears to lemons, tbh. 

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